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probably-a-succubus:

tom-sits-like-a-whore:

carryonmywayward-idjits:

Please excuse me while I walk over your husband’s corpse like he’s nothing and upon entering the room, ignore your traumatised child in his crib and instead clutch your lifeless body in a demonstration of my love for you: creepy and entirely unhelpful

i love how everyone just knows what this is referencing

i dont and i am slightly mortified

^same^ i dont understand either.

(Source: odestayouhavemyheart)

danglingthpider:

notcrazyiswear:

I’ve put together a simple chart that explains the various ways you should and shouldn’t summon a waiter over to your table, and the service you’re likely to receive accordingly.

Because if one more middle aged, obnoxious asshole goes “hey you!” and snaps their fingers at me, I WILL snap said person’s neck.

I waitressed my way through college and one night this guy yells at me “Oi! you with the tits!” and my co-worker Matthew walked up to him and said “yes?”

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